I don't enjoy networking. If you put me in a room with a beige buffet and a warm glass of wine and tell me to 'mingle', I'll last about ten minutes before I head out the door with an Irish goodbye.

But, as my networking dial was looking a little depleted whilst I was head-down in a few interesting projects recently, I thought about how I could top it up.

The data tells me I'm not alone in a depleted Network dial. Looking at the results so far from people completing the Core Career Dials Assessment, Network is consistently one of the lowest-scoring. That's not surprising once you think about what 'networking' often means in practice: unstructured mingling or deliberate outreach with no apparent concrete reason. Both ask you to perform a version of yourself that doesn't come naturally to everyone.

So when I went to the Unconference a few weeks ago, it was a revelation. What was different about this conference for HR leaders was the structure. Instead of sitting next to someone, listening to a talk, then maybe grabbing an awkward coffee in the break, we were offered a selection of structured conversations about real-world problems. There was no room for small talk - we were too busy creating something together: generating ideas, thinking out loud, solving problems in real time, building on what the other person had just said.

And this made networking totally ok for me. I was doing the thing I actually enjoy, and the relationships built themselves along the way. The conversations in the coffee breaks flowed easily too, because we'd already been having conversations all session.

So really, when it comes to intentional networking, it's the format that matters. If unstructured mingling drains you, that doesn't mean you're bad at building relationships - it might mean you can only see one version of how to do it.

Some other formats worth trying, if the traditional mixer isn't your thing:

🟠 Problem-solving formats: roundtables, masterminds, 'bring a challenge' sessions. These work well if you connect through ideas rather than small talk.

🟠 Teaching or sharing expertise: speaking, running a workshop, fielding questions on a panel. You network from a position of contribution rather than 'pressing the flesh' as one of my lovely clients put it.

🟠 Activity-based formats: walking meetings, run clubs, volunteering. These suit people who think and talk better side by side, doing something, rather than face to face with nothing to do but talk.

🟠 Deep one-to-ones: a coffee chat, a mentoring pairing, an intro call. This is for you if you'd rather have one meaningful conversation than work your way through a whole room.

Each one of these gives you a role other than 'small talker' or even 'pitcher'. Being a creator, contributor, teacher or companion is something you can do rather than have to perform.

So maybe the real question isn't around how to get better at small talk or pitching yourself to people who didn't ask you to. It might be more about where to find situations that give you a role that plays to your strengths.

What role do you play best in a room? And where might you find more situations that ask you to play it?

See you soon,

Sarah

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If you want support bringing more meaningful development conversations into your organisation - and helping your people lead themselves and others more effectively - book a call to explore what that could look like for your team.