My coaching client, let’s call her G, was talking about the things that are important in life, working through what a change of role could look like and how it could meet her values more effectively than the current one. G wasn’t unhappy in the organisation - their values of integrity, courage, and collaboration were genuinely her own too. These are what we might call the macro values. They’re often to be found in a company’s values statement (if there is one) and, more importantly, running through the veins of the organisation.

But values alignment is more nuanced than it first seems. What was making G itchy and keen for a change of scene were two key value mismatches playing out at a micro level.

The first was a manager that couldn’t give constructive feedback. For G, this manifested as a lack of growth - a huge value for her. Although her manager frequently told her she was doing great and she was brilliant, she genuinely felt that the feedback was flimsy and lacked substance. She described it as being offered a piece of cake every day for lunch - sure, it was tasty and it was nice to have cake but sometimes she needed steak and potatoes and vegetables she didn’t necessarily like but that were good for her!

Having been through a whole range of strategies to try to get better feedback, G had realised that it was unlikely to come at this point and that sense of stunted growth (whether it was intentional or not) was making her feel demoralised and unmotivated in the role.

Then we got to a verboten value. That’s one that we feel we shouldn’t have and that we judge ourselves for. G had a value she didn’t want to admit to - as soon as she said it, she caveated it with ‘I know I shouldn't care about that but I do’. Wealth was important to her. She wanted more money now and considerably more in the future and to honour that value she knew she would have to be more ambitious in her career plans. Disallowing herself from holding this value was partly what kept G in a job she wanted to move on from. She hadn’t wanted to seem ‘grabby’ or greedy so she pushed it down and stayed smaller than she wanted to be.

These verboten values are sneaky little snakes - we’ve often been socialised to minimise them. Other verboten values I’ve heard whispered in the coaching room have been joy, fun and even change. It sometimes seems that we’re allowed to say we want to find work challenging but not allowed to say we want to find it fun.

So how does understanding more about values help us navigate career moves?

Well, as you probably know by now, it’s not always possible to fix other people so if a move is to be made on the basis of how others treat us, due diligence at the next job interview is essential. Ask questions around how feedback is offered or how people are developed to prevent history repeating itself.

And as for our verboten values - bringing them to the surface, admitting that they are important to us allows us to make clearer decisions. G narrowly swerved applying for sideways moves when she allowed herself to acknowledge what was important to her around personal wealth.

Your values belong to you. They’re not for others to judge and moralise about. Living our values, or failing to, are what can make or break our ability to thrive at work. So a couple of questions to leave you with today:

What’s important to you in life and how far does your current role allow that to show up?

What verboten values do you have? What would be different if you encouraged them to show up at work?

See you soon,

Sarah

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I'm working with corporate clients on talent development and retention in 2026. If you're in a role where you support the development of others, you’re always welcome to reach out for a conversation - be that for group coaching on the Core Career Dials, training your managers on how to have excellent career development conversations, or something more bespoke.